One afternoon a long time ago (like almost 1.5 years ago) 3 coworkers decided that it was much too nice of a day (and a Friday) to sit inside and pretend to work. Granted this decision was fueled by a boozy lunch, but I digress. So the three coworkers pretty much went to lunch and never went back. (This is a fictional story to protect the fictional characters who may or may not be involved.) The three coworkers then decided that since it happened to be opening day for the Yankees, that they should definitely go to the game. Mind you this decision was thought of several drinks in and the three coworkers soon realized that getting into a Yankees game on opening day would be about as likely as making it to the subway from your apartment without getting ogled by the construction workers for the 2nd Ave. Subway. NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. Because getting into an opening day game even for the worst, most unpopular team is usually difficult.
So the three coworkers then decided to go bar hopping on a Friday afternoon instead. At first, they went to a bar in Time Square and then realized that touristy bars are expensive. Not to mention that this particular place, the ceiling was leaking and dripping all over the patrons. They had one drink and discussed, "Where in the city are there cheaper drinks?"
"East Village, of course!"
So the three coworkers hopped into a cab in Time Square/almost rush hour traffic. Needless to say, it took awhile. But at least the three coworkers were a couple (ok several) drinks in so what did they care? They weren't working!
So once they reached the East Village, the three coworkers walked around and noticed that bars either weren't open or were completely dead. What? Everyone else didn't get the memo to skip out on work? How rude. So the coworkers found a bar and had a couple more drinks there until it was deemed by East Village standards an appropriate hour to actually start drinking. One of the group had to leave to meet his girlfriend and her parents for dinner. In Long Island. he he Good luck with that!
The other two, we will call Jackie and Susie forged on with their mission. Finally, Croxley's was opened and Susie could have the chicken wings that she desperately wanted. Jackie was just being a good friend because she is a vegetarian. What did they discover? Croxley's has a chicken wing buffet on Friday afternoons! AWESOME! So Jackie invited some more friends to join, one was an ass. Then Susie in her chicken wing/beer induced state found a lovely hippy boy who was willing to share his stool with her. They started talking and he invited her back to his place with his roommates to listen to music. Susie was feeling good so she decided to throw caution to the wind.
So lovely, hippy boy is around 35 years old, lives with 3 other people in an apartment in Alphabet City. He doesn't live in a room, he lives in a closet. Now I know what you're thinking, you think I am being sarcastic and calling a very small bedroom a closet. Normally, you'd be right but not this time. He actually lived in a closet. With a close rack. He also did not have a bed. His bed was a climbing/gymnastic mat. And lastly, he did not have a door. What he did have instead was the neon bead curtains.
Now, Susie is not a materialistic, shallow girl. She likes hippies for crying out loud! BUT she does sort of have to put her foot down for not owning a bed... or a door. It was an eye-opening experience for little Susie! She had no idea she needed to set her standards just a little bit higher...
Needless to say, she politely excused herself and went home to her own apartment with a bedroom door, and a bed, which is complete with linens and a comforter.
Like I said, it is a fictional but cautionary tale...
The lesson definitely is not about skipping work. You should do that as much as you can get away with it. The lesson is maybe you should sneak it into conversation before you go back to someone's apartment on whether they have a bed. Unless that is not something that you care about then, Susie has a very lovely, hippy should would like to introduce you to.
-S
P.S. Anytime you wonder if you are maladjusted just remember, I saw a grown, well-dressed woman sucking her thumb (not once but twice) on the subway...
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