People and their Backpacks

So pretty much every other person on the subway wears a ridiculously large, filled to capacity backpack on the subway and usually during rush hour but of course this can be at any given time of day.  It is obviously more annoying during rush hour because of the already lack of space.  So I have noticed that these people that have these backpacks on appear to have had their short-term memory completely short circuited.  These people either do not remember packing these backpacks within an inch of its life and/or don't remember putting on said backpack.  Or better yet just can't seem to feel or notice the significant weight on their shoulders.  But what they do manage to accomplish is barreling through the sardine-packed subway car as if they don't have the weight of their entire apartment on their back. I guess it is a talent.  What is not appreciated is being the receiving end of a slap in the face, body check or resting place for this monstrosity.  Yes, I literally have had someone use my arm, shoulder, or purse to carry some of the burden of their backpack. Hmmm, I thought it was weird that my purse suddenly got 10 times heavier...
You try to wiggle out of it but it is a futile effort.  The worst is when they quickly whip their turtle shells around to smack you in the face either with the actual backpack or whatever dopey knickknack, key chain, or strap they have hanging from the bag.  I think I can safely say that I have never been on the subway with a backpack. Now you might be thinking, ahh poor students. They have all of these text books and look how far they have to carry them. NO. It is not all students. I would go as far to say that a majority of these offenders AREN'T students.  These people are professionals and people of all ages, sizes, etc.  What about the MTA's constant reminder to take your F***ing backpack off to be courteous to other riders??? Oh yeah, you lost them at courteous.

Sorry it is late and super short. Just got back from a wild trip to Vegas. The entries about Vegas will be a complete saga. In short, it was absolutely crazy.

-S
Tip: Moving in NYC is exhausting, expensive and impossible. Just don't do it. Seriously. It is enough to drive someone to drink or to the loony bin (or both).

A Penn Station Proposal

Here is a short one.  Things have been crazy for me because I am in the middle of moving apts and packing for a trip to Vegas. I will definitely include the craziness that has been my moving experience within Manhattan. It will make you laugh, cry and leave you with a general sense of how can all of this happen to just one girl?

Anyway, Jamie and I were on our way to Long Beach a couple of Sundays ago.  Without a car, you have to catch the LIRR (Long Island Railroad) at Penn Station.  We were both preoccupied with buying our tickets for the 11:45 am train and getting a large coffee and some breakfast ASAP.  Originally the plan was to leave at 10:45 am but of course we went out last night. I digress...

We were walking through Penn Station and a man approaches Jamie asking if he could suck her toes.  Now I don't know if he complimented her toes prior to asking for such a request.  Does he walk up to women all of the time asking this?  I mean not to insult Jamie's toes, I am sure to every foot fetishist they are exquisite but WTF?  So when Jamie ignored him and kept walking, he proceeded to follow us.  As soon as I heard the request my eyes bugged out of my head and of course my instinct was to run.  So then he tells Jamie that he's serious and makes the offer more enticing with a promise of a payment of $20.  I have no idea how Jamie refused.

So there we are on the escalator with Jamie's toe lover with nowhere to go.  Since it is a Sunday, no one is following the proper escalator protocol (stay to the right to stand, pass on the left) and the escalator is a jam packed free-for-all.  We are trapped like rats.  I know I have a completely mortified look on my face.  Then he starts talking to me. He asked if we were sisters and I said no. Then he asked if we were going to the beach (we were wearing swimsuits and cover ups), I said no again.  Finally, by this time we are reaching the end of the escalator (THANK GOD!!).  I pretty much ran off, dragging Jamie behind me before she was foot-napped.

It seems when Jamie and I get together there are situations in which I have to constantly run away, dragging her with me.

-S

P.S. On day 2 of a juice cleanse. I am afraid it takes carbs, cheese, and most likely alcohol to keep me even remotely funny or entertaining, so I apologize.

People and their dogs...

Maybe this attitude is limited to the Upper East Side or all of Manhattan, not sure BUT these people are unhinged.  I have had more dog owners stand there with their dogs like they are inviting Maverick to come over to meet their dog and I approach slowly, looking at the owners in the eye so I don't catch them off guard and then all of a sudden, the fluffy 9 lb. Maltese turns into Kujo, nearly biting Maverick multiple times.  The owner just stands there letting it happen.  The owner doesn't even remotely try to control their dog.  Are they so rich that they don't care about being sued? How about about a freaking warning? I happen to love my dog and wouldn't like for him to be hurt by your fluff ball with an inferiority complex.  If Maverick ever even tried to act like that, I would have the decency to be mortified and we would both be running away with our tails between our legs. Jeez. I find it very hard to believe that any of these multiple instances are the first signs of aggression with these dogs.  You should stop spending money on clothes for the dog and think about obedience training.
Also, I think it is ridiculously rude, not to mention illegal, when certain people consistently (okay every time) let their dogs outside without a leash.  Especially the ones who don't mind their owners and just wonder aimlessly, usually up to me and my dog without so much as glancing in their owner's direction.  Okay, maybe I am a little jealous that I don't have a snowball's chance in hell of controlling Maverick without a leash but then again why is your off-leash dachshund following me down the street away from you.  Now I love my dog and most of God's creatures BUT I am only responsible for my own dog.  Believe me, I have considered getting another dog so that Maverick can have a friend but that is just much more than I can handle.  So when your dog is following me down the street, it is frustrating because I don't want to be responsible for your dog (imagine the whiny voice), and I shouldn't have to be.  So then I have to stop walking with my dog and wait for you to figure out your dog has wandered away from you  (so, sorry you had to interrupt your conversation but come and get your dog)!

Also, I would like to know why people have bought and use strollers for their dogs. Do they have a medical condition that prevents them from walking? Did they inherit the laziness from their owners? What is the deal?

On a more practical note, the other day I had to buy Maverick some more dog food and they stopped making the kind that he had been eating. So I bought some random kind but the only bags they had were either a 10 lb. bag or a 35 lb. bag.  10 lb. is too little and I would be constantly buying dog food but there is no way I can carry a 35 lb. bag home by myself. Plus their delivery fee is half the amount of the dog food. So I whined and the lady at PetSmart said I could take a shopping cart with the bigger bag of dog food. That was fun with all the dirty and weird looks and what is even funnier is when people are completely indifferent. Then on the way to take the cart back, I put Maverick in the cart. He didn't like riding in the cart. I forgot to get a picture of him in the cart (which was the cutest) but I did get proof that I did, in fact, walk down the street with a shopping cart and a large bag of dog food. Just another day in ole NYC. No big deal.

-S
P.S. So now I have a 35 lb. of dog food that Maverick does not like. FML.

He seriously does not appreciate all of my effort.

Runaway cabs and a fitting end to a crazy night... (Part 3)

This is the third part to the crazy evening in the last two posts.  In NYC there are no shortage of crazy cab stories. I have plenty. I will have plenty more as long as I continue to live in this city.  This is just one...
So it was taking Jamie, Jamie's friend & I a really long time to catch a cab.  Even after all the helpful banter from the random bipolar/psychopath. Her friend finally came through and secured a cab.  Catching a cab at 3 am in Manhattan, especially somewhere popular on a Friday or Saturday night is like trying to catch a fish without bait or a pole and in the dark. (Crap my Midwestern roots just poked through.)
When we got into the cab, we informed the driver that there would be 2 stops (totally a common thing in NYC) and the cab driver informed us that he couldn't do that.  We were like well there are still 2 stops. The cab driver started going on and on about how he had to finish his shift by a specific time or he would be fined.  I have no idea if this is true or not.  We tell him that the first stop is on the way to the second stop and it won't take any extra time.  He argues something about not being able to turn left on 1st ave.  So we tell him he doesn't haven't to turn left because he can just drop Jamie and her friend off at 1st and keep going straight to FDR to go uptown.  Hell if it will save you from being fined, Mr. Cab Driver, we don't even need to stop. Let's just open the door and push them out. Save even more time. Since you are being SOOOOOO nice.
So problem solved, right?
Ha! This entire exchange was happening while the cab was careening between lanes, doing wheelies on turns, etc.  It was some very reckless driving, near accidents, and all while he is arguing with us and telling us how he is going to be fined.  He relentlessly let us know how he was going to get in trouble.  Then when he dropped Jamie and her friend off (or like I said they didn't get the door shut before he peeled off again), he was barreling down the Upper East Side along the FDR bitching the whole way.
Then he says something to me to the affect of asking me if I could be dropped off at 96th St, which is a good 8 blocks from where I asked to be dropped off at.  I was texting Jamie the whole time and told her what he was asking.  She told me to tell him that it was illegal to drop someone off other than where they were asking and if he didn't comply that we had his medallion number and would report him.  So I  repeated this to him and he just shook his head and grumbled some more.  I am wearing heels and not comfortable ones either!
Now here is a moment of weakness for me.  This entire hellish car ride in my head I was indignantly saying, "This guy is definitely not getting a tip from me!" I was adamant in my determination BUT then I started to feel bad about the possibility that we could have been getting him in trouble and at least he was nice enough to pick us up?!?!

I know, I know. Still a naive Midwesterner at times and sometimes I am a complete sucker... I now realize: NO, it was his job to pick us up.  When he picked us up, he was agreeing to take us where we wanted to go.  PERIOD. We were paying him for a service and he was ungrateful, argumentative, condescending and reckless.

Alas, I did tip him only $1 but I promise to stand my ground next time.

You live and learn, kids.
-S

Promoters, Wankers and Men with Serious Psychological Issues...

So here is the 2nd part of the evening of the last post...

So the night just keeps getting better and better. So Jamie, her friend and I are trying to catch a cab home from the Meatpacking District at 3 am, which is just about impossible, a guy approaches me and asks, "Can I ask you a question?"

Of course my initial thought was to say get the hell away from me and stop trying to steal my cabs because I just want to catch a cab and go home BUT being the nice Midwestern girl I am (that refuses to be beaten by NYC), I said, "Sure..." (Very hesitantly.)

He says, "What would you say if I told you that I loved you?"

Now I just gave him this look, waiting for the punchline or the excuse that he is on ecstasy.  So given that it was 3 am was about the only thing that kept me from laughing in his face and I was just too tired given the events of the evening so I said to him, "Well, I would find that very off putting."

He says, "You seem like a girl who finds a lot of things off putting." (which is very true)  It is a good thing I have learned to no longer be insulted by random people's observations about me.  So I said, "Yes, that is probably true." So he says, "Come to a party with me." I will preface this with the entire time this exchange is happening, I have my hand raised trying to catch a cab. I am barely looking at him and he is (thankfully) standing about 3-5 feet from me. So I am not showing him any interest. I don't even know if I smiled at him.  The delusions that some men have... I will also remind you that he is a total and complete stranger so of course I said, "I don't think so, I just want to go home."

Then he says, "I hate you." Well there you go... So now this just annoying me and distracting me from the task at hand. So I said to him, "Has anyone ever told you that you might be bipolar?"

He says, "No, I just say a lot of things I don't mean.  All guys do." WOW. Well this IS true but still...

So I replied, "So either you are a liar or a psychopath.  You shouldn't disparage all men."

Then he says this gem, "Every guy is lying when they say I love you.  Every guy who has ever said this to you was lying."  Like I have said, I didn't ask for his opinion. I wasn't crying to my girlfriend about my love life (or lack thereof), I was minding my business just trying to go home. I will admit that when I was younger I would have actually given this asshole's verbal diarrhea some credence.  I would have been like, "Is that true?" I have no idea what his goal was or what he thought he was accomplishing by saying all of this complete crap to me.  Maybe he assumed that because I was going home by myself, I have low self esteem and can be easily berated into believing that I only deserve someone who treats me like crap. Whatever.

At least I am mature now (mostly) and I know that all of the crap coming out of his mouth is exactly that.  I just told him that I was choosing not to believe that and I immediately found where Jamie was and started talking to her.  When I stopped talking to him, he said, "I am bored. This is lame," and walked off. Yes, I agree. It must be lame when you come up and try in every way to insult and rile up a complete stranger only for them to not fall all over themselves at your feet. I wish you luck but keep walking...

That same night there was an insane, rude cab driver (which there are absolutely no shortage of those stories in this crazy city).  Will have to save that for part 3...
Be safe out there, it is a zoo.
-S

One Crazy Saturday Night

So as promised here is one more story of hopefully many more to come...

Last Saturday night, my friend and I met up with one of her friends.  Let's call my friend Jamie and let's call her friend Julie. Julie knows some promoters who got us into Marquee and she also brought several of her friends as well. Marquee is a club/lounge. We stayed at Marquee for awhile taking advantage of free bottle service and places to sit (because of our too tall heels) courtesy of the promoter connection.

Now how I understand this whole promoter thing is this... it is this person's job essentially to party. They encourage their friends, acquaintances, their friend's acquaintances, and just totally random people to go to these clubs.  I have no idea how or who makes money off of this but I will continue to take advantage of this completely frivolous lifestyle.  Maybe it is to encourage guys to come? I don't know. Clearly someone much smarter than I decided that there was a need for a position such as this and BOOM you have a promoter.

Anyway, after dancing and watching the scantily-clad go go dancers, we left to go to Manon, which is a restaurant turned nightclub/lounge in the later hours of the evening.  On our way there, Jamie and I were walking and I noticed a man sitting in a chair surrounded by garbage on the sidewalk where we were walking.  I should have thought it was weird that the man was sitting in a lawn chair in the middle of Manhattan after midnight.  Where can you even get a lawn chair in Manhattan? No seriously, where? But then on a closer look, I noticed that the man was not wearing pants or shorts or anything covering his lower half.  Immediately, I tried to avert my eyes knowing that this can't be good. So I start to walk faster, dragging Jamie with me.  Unfortunately, I still saw the man masturbating with his VERY large penis.  He also told us that he wanted to come all over us.  I definitely started running and immediately motioned for the girls behind us to hurry up.  Of course only in NYC would you tell a bouncer that this is happening a mere feet from the door of their establishment and then just look at you like, "And?"  One of the girls called the police. I have no idea what became of this very horny man but he was gone by the time we left. THANK GOD.

There was also this girl (strangely the same that called the police) who kept spilling every drink she had.  She didn't seem drunk or to be stumbling, but yet she constantly was spilling EVERY drink.  Like she would be walking completely fine with a half full drink and still somehow manage to spill it.  If it wasn't so annoying, it would have been an interesting case study in miracles.

There is more to this evening but alas I think I will make it a 2 or maybe a 3 part-er.  :) A girl should always leave a little mystery.

Be good,
-S
Tip: A little advice from a dog owner, please ask whether it is ok to pet someone's dog.  DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT just start whistling or making various sounds at my dog or send your kid up to my dog.  This is not just because it annoys me greatly, which it does, but it is also for your safety. I know my dog looks like a fluffy sweetheart, which he is, but he could be a rabid, vicious, mean dog, who at my command is ready to bite your face off.  Not to mention that is just rude to start talking to my dog without recognizing that I am a human being and not a dog walking robot. (Whoa, that is a great idea.)

Here goes again...

So I find myself apologizing yet again to the vast empty space of my blog that reaches a few kind people. I have been lazy again. Again, it is not with lack of stories to tell that I haven't been writing but I promise that I have been aptly living my life and enjoying all the fun and crazy times that NYC has to offer. I will have been here for two years next month. That is craziness. I have had everyone in my family visit at least once and most more than once. I have managed to make (and lose) some wonderful friends. Something that has made all the difference in my happiness in NYC has been finding great friends that live near me. I have managed to find a great group of girls (and a few guys) that really seem to embody the types of friendships that I have always hoped for. People who genuinely love doing the same things that I do. No they don't think it is a crazy idea to have a Christmas/Hanukkah (Chrismakkah) caroling party/bar crawl (and we did!).

 So some highlights since we last spoke:
 I went snowboarding/ski trip in Vermont (and various places in NJ and NY).
 Have been to multiple GALA's to volunteer for the McCarton Foundation.
 Have joined two online dating sites/mobile apps.
 Got lost in the Bronx.
 Switched jobs.
 Attended a Friendsgiving.
 Weathered another hurricane.
 Turned 30.

Those are what I can think of right now. Maybe I will elaborate on some of those at different times.

 Under the very sweet and nice encouragement of a friend, I have decided to try to continue this blog once again. I am going to try to be practical about it. I have almost two years of stories to tell and not to mention what will continue to happen to your very own crazy magnet (that's me).
 Until then...
-S
Tip: Before you travel to the big apple from another country, please learn the phrase "Insufficient Fare." It is what shows up on the subway turnstile when you don't have enough for a single ride. Continuing to swipe will not change this fact. It will save us all a lot of time and frustration. If you are a native English speaker and do not know this phrase, well... I doubt anything I say can help you now.